Self-Help Review 7: Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway

Self-Help Review:
Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway
1987
By Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.

In our evolution from hairy apes to slightly less hairy apes, fear was one of our main tools for survival. If something shot out of the lake, or if some other cocksucker ape chucked a bone at us, it was our automatic response of fear that got us to move quickly and instinctually away from danger. Our sense of fear helped us know intuitively if we were in a dangerous area, and kept us extra-alert to the environment for potential dangers. There are books such as "The Gift Of Fear" which show how it benefits us today to feel a strong sense of fear, and that if we feel weird about someone to trust that intuition. However, fear is also a paralyzing force which blocks us from experiencing life and taking risks, and people often stop themselves from taking risks due to unrealistic fears about the outcome. This usually has more to do with self-esteem issues and a shitty outlook on life than with any real dangers involved. In "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway" Susan Jeffers lays out a convincing argument that fear is still a gift, but that we have been using it in the wrong way.

Fear is a persistent force in our lives, and no matter what we do or how much we accomplish, it will never go away. There is no way to get rid of a survival mechanism, and to do so would put us at an incredibly disadvantage in life. Besides, everyone, no matter how confidently they go about their lives, experiences fear. When fear is looked at from the point of view of doing or experiencing, and not from life-or-death threats, it almost always indicates an area of personal growth. When you're afraid of doing something, it usually means that you are doing the unfamiliar, and by doing the unfamiliar you increase you knowledge and grow as a person. This is why you feel fear; because you are stepping out of your personal boundary and testing the unknown. According to Jeffers, at the bottom of every fear is the belief "I can't handle it!" But the fact of the matter is, unless it's a truly life-or-death situation, we CAN handle it, we just choose to avoid the potential pain because it makes us uncomfortable.

The book lists five "truths" about fear, and here they are:

1. The fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow.
2. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out...and do it.
3. The only way to feel better about yourself is to go out...and do it.
4. Not only are you going to experience fear whenever you're on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.
5. Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.

The book contains a ton of exercises, techniques, affirmations, and advice on how to deal with fear and become a happier person. The best part is the "pain-to-power" vocabulary list, which lists words or phrases that we use which keep us feeling a sense of dread and helplessness, and alternatives which make us feel stronger. Much of what we say directly transmits the message "You're a loser" to your subconscious mind, which then takes this information and validates it. Your subconscious mind is not a filter, and will take whatever information you give it and act on it. If you ask yourself why you're such a lousy piece of shit, you can be sure that you will receive a flood of answers. If you ask yourself why you're such a sexy motherfucker, you will also receive a flood of answers, though your inner "Chatterbox" will more than likely try to intercept. Words such as "should" or "can't" always carry the baggage of helplessness, and while it will be hard to stop using them, it is for your own good that you try. The replacements recommended for those two words are "could" and "won't," just so you know.

I mentioned the inner "Chatterbox," and should (goddamn it!) elaborate on it. The inner Chatterbox is the voice in your head which goes on and on, doubting your abilities, examining every aspect of a situation, seeking out the negative, over-analyzing trivial utterances, etc. It's the voice that asks "Why haven't they called me? Does that mean my interview went poorly? I knew I should have prepared better. I answered all those questions wrong. Either that, or I dressed shitty. No, wait, it's not that, it's because I kept looking at the floor. No, wait, I didn't make eye contact. Or did I make too much eye contact? I'm such a piece of shit. If the phone rings, I'm not going to answer it."...when three days have passed since you interviewed for a job and have not received a phone call yet. This voice will never go away, but it can be drowned out by taking on a positive, "Pollyanna" attitude. This takes a shitload of work, and you will default to the negative if you stop working on it, but that's life for you.

The idea of having a Pollyanna attitude might seem unrealistic, but Jeffers points out a study that 90% of what we fear is going to happen, doesn't. This means that having a "realistic" negative attitude means only being correct 10% of the time. The difficulty with positive thinking is defaulting to the negative, but Jeffers likens developing a positive attitude to working out a muscle or keeping a sharp mind. If you stop working out or studying, all of the benefits will start to deteriorate, meaning that anything worthwhile in life takes constant work. This is a slap in the face to lazy people, but the most depressed son-of-a-bitch I'd ever met just sat around their house doing jack shit all day, so it makes perfect sense to me.

Another idea that I liked was that of a no-lose decision. No matter what happens in life, we gain something from it. By playing the victim and bitching about how shitty life is to us, we get the secondary pay-offs of sympathy and people giving us attention, but these pay-offs will eventually wear off and people will get sick of being around you. The victim attitude is a hold-over from when we were infants and depended on our parents to run to us and give us attention and love when we cried. It's amazing how this can carry over into adulthood, and the key to maturity is recognizing it and doing away with it. By recognizing that you benefit from any decision you make, even if it doesn't go the way you wanted it to, you take responsibility for your life and aren't leaving your future to chance. Taking responsibility is probably the single most important thing a person can do in their life, and no matter how often it's repeated in these fucking books that I'm reading, I will never tire of hearing it because it is THAT important.

Finally, I will mention her idea of saying "yes" to the universe, because right now this is of particular importance to me. No matter what life throws at you, it is a must that you nod your head and say "yes" to it, because by denying what happens you will fall back into negative thoughts and a pity-me attitude. Those who know me know that this past weekend something really fucking bad happened, and that damn near everything in my household is going through some kind of change now. More than ever, I am forced to be more adult, more mature, and more responsible than possibly at any other point in my life. Would I have preferred circumstances to be different? By all means, yes. But nothing can be changed about what has already happened, and I accept it. Despite how exceedingly shitty this situation is, there is a lot of good in it, and there is a possibility that in time, everyone involved will be better off than they were before. That's about as personal as I'm going to get on this review.

The book ends with a section on the "Higher Self," and it can either be God or whatever the hell else you think a "Higher Self" can be. It didn't make all that much sense to me, and it seemed more like an endorsement of meditation and shutting up the Chatterbox, but I liked the idea of doing guided visualization to get images from the subconscious, and forgetting problems because the subconscious will come up with the solution without being forced. This is part of the basis for intuition, and Jeffers recommends reading books on being able to better develop your intuition. If you're not all that up on spiritual shit, you probably won't like this part of the book, but I still think you should read it because there is some good information in it.

The idea that fear will never go away will probably disappoint people who come to this book hoping to kill their fear, and Jeffers understands that some readers will not be too thrilled about that. However, the advice in this book was much better than I expected, and it is a valuable resource in the field of Getting Over Your Inner Bullshit. It can be fluffy at times, but overall it is a really good book that should be read by anyone who's too scared to take action in their lives. Love your fear, goddamn it! It hurts a little at first, but after a few thrusts you'll learn to enjoy it.